Running low on wisdom…Part 2

Please read Part 1 first. 

       In an instant I was awake and I felt the surgeon mashing something into my mouth.  My barely conscious mind decided that he did not know the anesthesia was wearing off so I needed to give him some help.  I wiggled my feet for him as a sign that all was not as it should be.  Then I fell back asleep.  Maybe he got my message.

       The next thing I remember is a nurse taking me to a recliner and trying to wake me up.  Then, after another nap, I was escorted to my chauffeured vehicle and told to watch my head as I climbed in.  My wife was there ready to drive me home.  I said something to her and she started giggling at me.  I said something else and she started laughing. The more I talked, the more she laughed.   As a matter of fact she laughed at me the whole way home.  Of course you understand why.  My mouth was packed with gauze and quite numb after the surgery.

       “..eye uh oo affin at nee?“  I asked her.  She only laughed harder.  I started to hiccup.  Now, she was gone.  Tears filled her eyes and I stopped talking.  She finally calmed some, until I hiccuped again.

       All I really remember about the rest of that day is swallowing jello and pills whole in between long naps.  Actually, it was a pretty good day.  My wife took care of my every need.  I had peace and quiet all day long.  And all that was required of me was that I lie there motionless and sleep and sleep and sleep.

       Two or three days passed and my life on Lortab was looking pretty good.  The biggest drawback was my all liquid diet.  However, with my mouth all carved up, I really did not have any desire to eat solid foods.

       The only complication I had from all of this involved my upper left molar.  It seems the root of this molar had grown up into my sinus cavity.  Thus, when that tooth was extracted I was left with a large hole in my sinuses.  The attending nurse told my wife she had never seen this before.  That’s not something you want to hear after surgery.

       Supposedly the hole will heal and supposedly it will close, after a while.  I hope so.  It has been several weeks and I am getting tired of the mouth-sinus connection.  Every time I rinse my mouth with water and lean over the sink to spit,  water runs out my nose!  That is simply disgusting.

From my desktop to yours, it’s another….

       Did I mention what happens when I eat green peas?!!  Well…

From my desktop to yours, it’s another Alabama memory.

      

Running low on wisdom…PART 1

Have you ever had your wisdom teeth removed?  Does it mean you are not as wise as you once were?  Or, does it mean that you realize the oral surgeon who sedated you, carved you up, and sent you home “loopy” would not have made enough to cover the payments on his new yacht if your wisdom teeth were still around!  Maybe that’s why I don’t feel so wise.

Any way you look at it, having your wisdom teeth removed is a memory worth sharing!  So, share I will:

          It happened on a Wednesday, sometime between 10:30 and 11:00 in the morning.  My wife and I arrived at the Oral Surgeon’s office, signed in and took a seat.  I was a little nervous and a little punchy.  I had not eaten any food since seven o’clock the night before, and my breakfast consisted of three pills and 3 ounces of water.  As I sat down and looked around I realized that there were close to twenty people in the same room waiting for the same procedure.  My financially centered heart immediately began to do the math and it did not take me long to decide on a new profession for my youngest son.  My oldest already has his heart set on being a veterinarian.  “Everyone has wisdom teeth,”  I muttered out loud.  My wife ignored me.

     After two or three minutes of pondering, I heard my name over the loudspeaker.  I headed for the door only to be directed to the cashier. 

     “That will be five hundred and twenty-six dollars, Mr.Urban,” she quickly stated (my sixty percent copay). 

      ”Wow!  That was more painful than I expected,”  I replied.  “Couldn’t you have sedated me first?”

       She smiled politely.  I wrote the check and went back to the waiting room. 

       I rejoined my wife and commented, “Well, the painful part is over.”  She smiled politely.  My thoughts went back to an early retirement mooching off of my rich son.  About the time I reached the beaches of Tahiti I heard my name again.  “Wow, that Lortab is good stuff!”  I thought to myself.  I made my way to the back room.  It was time.

       As I settled into my temporary home for the morning and told the second nurse I had seen in two minutes what I had to eat last and when, I was feeling pretty good.  Then, she picked up the IV needle.  

      ”Okay, this is going to feel a little like an ant bite,” she said just before inserting it.

       “That’s not bad,” I replied.  I thought maybe my worries were misdirected.  Then she plunged it in and I screamed the loudest silent scream possible.  “Oh, you meant one of those Australian bullet ants!”

        She smiled politely.

        In less than a minute it didn’t matter any more.  I was asleep. 

NEXT TIME – RUNNING LOW ON WISDOM – PART 2

From my desktop to yours, it’s another Alabama memory.